Sick

Posted: August 2, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Twitter, the social networking site which lets users say something in up to 140 characters, has had its 20 billionth message posted.
The landmark and rather opaque tweet was sent at 1544 GMT Saturday by GGGGGGo_Lets_Go, a Tokyo graphic designer for an advertising agency.
It said: “So that means the barrage might come back later all at once.”

Curiously on the same day, at exactly the same time, the World Health Organisation reported the 20 billionth worldwide case of digital diarrhoea.

Coincidence?

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Fan The Flames

Posted: July 18, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Katy Perry inadvertently dropped a giant molotov cocktail on an enormous bonfire of rumours concerning the does-she-doesn’t-she take semisynthetic psychedelic drugs debate.

In a recent interview before being a guest judge at Dublin’s X Factor auditions, she said she hoped to ‘find someone who’s going to change the world’.

Completely off her tits on the stuff I’d say.

Quotes

Posted: July 18, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Every so often you’ll find someone who has an angle on the love song that isn’t completely beaten to death. But it just seems like such a small domain for 90 percent of pop to be centred on. I don’t know why there aren’t more songs about three cushion billiards, which I think is the most beautiful, graceful thing a human being can do. I don’t understand why there aren’t songs about taxidermy or fly fishing. There are so many things that people do for satisfaction that don’t centre on rubbing genitals.

Steve Albini

Always remember that you don’t really know anything. You might know what a chord is called or how a sequencer works, but ultimately you can never anticipate how anyone is going to react to the music you make. So be yourself and make it provocative. Whatever you do provoke a reaction. There is too much mediocrity in the world.

J.J.Jeczalik

If you can’t fight, wear a big hat.

May Brierley

In an act which defines the word ‘bewildering’, the day before a general election The Sun newspaper headlines with the views of political microbe Simon Cowell. These are the views of a man who, in December 2009, expressed his idea of politics in TV show format where the public would ‘debate’ key issues (Key Is-sue [kee ish-oo] subject of discussion, exaggerated in importance by disproportionate tabloid media coverage in order to scare the bejeezus out of the masses). Not content with the wholesale dumbing down of the music industry, Cowell would like to apply his infantile paint by numbers ‘entertainment’ formula to the world of politics, the outcome of which would affect the quality of life of every being in this country.

On set would be a red telephone which would allow the Government to explain its position

You couldn’t make this stuff up

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He went on: It would be a good way for me to get involved in politics … it would be controversial, the  public would eventually make the decision. He gives an example …or knife crime, I don’t think that the  justice system is working properly at the moment.

Brilliant. So a lot in the way of regurgitation of tabloid scaremongering but not a smidgen of a hint of an attempt at a proposed solution. What about ‘Why oh why can’t we have world peace?’ or ‘I don’t think  people are trying hard enough to find a cure for cancer’. Surely all these pesky problems can be solved by a simple TV show voting system. Or maybe if we all close our eyes and wish really hard everything will be alright. And of course to attract ratings, and more importantly personal revenue, the ‘controversial’ nature of the show would need to be magnified in order to attract waves of opinion from every unhinged extremist nutjob out there.

The majority of our wealth of talented people aren’t being given the chance they need to grow and bloom at the moment. Britain’s got talent, enormous talent, that’s very obvious. I have had the great fortune of being able to see so much of it as I have toured the country for my TV shows over the past few years.

For example, there is Tina and Chandi a dancing dog double act and a woman who can inflate a rubber glove with the aid of a hosepipe and a penguin puppet. Rich talent indeed. If the answer to the countries problems with the economy, knife crime, national security and the environment can be solved by electing a parrot that eats mashed potato then you’re the man. In the mean time back in your box. Stick to what you know best and concentrate on dreaming up more barrel scraping ways of lining your own pockets in the entertainment industry.

You Will Like Our Music…

Posted: April 13, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Escopetarra

…Or Else.

 

Champagne Superknobhead

Posted: March 29, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Liam Gallagher made a surprise appearance at the Brit Awards 2010 to accept the award for best Brits album of the past 30 years.

After praising Oasis fans as “the best fans in the fucking world” and telling them to “live forever”, Gallagher hurled his award and microphone into the audience before stomping offstage.

Peter Kay, who was hosting the ITV ceremony, summed up the mood in the auditorium. “What a knobhead” he said, prompting the biggest laugh of the night.

Liam Gallagher hit back on Twitter and chastised the Bolton-born comic for not insulting him to his face.

“Listen up fat fuck, as a real northerner I was brought up 2 say shit 2 people’s faces not behind their back. Live forever LG”

Apart from his obvious error in attempting to engage in a war of words with someone who is hugely successful in a profession where verbal put downs are a major part of the job description, by insulting Peter Kay via Twitter, Mr G. revealed himself as the (toss)pot having a go at the kettle’s ebony hue.

As a northerner myself I was keen to find the source of this particular brand of upbringing etiquette. After several hours of research in  Manchester Central Library, I failed to find any literature pertaining to the topic of segregating child rearing methodology via geographic region. I can only conclude that this must be an extremely localised publication probably confined to the boundaries of the Gallagher household itself. Presumably the content of this document also encourages swaggering around like a haemorrhoid sufferer and replicating the coiffure of a playmobil character.

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You do have to feel sorry for him though in his quest to be a ‘bad boy’ of rock. He entered Rock ‘n’ Roll when every conceivable behavioural excess had already been acted out, with some aplomb, by the likes of Hendrix, Moon, Vicious, Bonham, Sixx and Osbourne. Mr G’s only excess seems to be hair product. It’s hardly likely that medium strength swearing coupled with a permanent two finger salute is going to trouble the membership committee of the Society of the Debauched whose patrons have previously met the required entry standard by blowing up their drum kit, carving ‘GIMME A FIX’ in their chest and snorting their dad’s ashes.

Maybe the release of his new clothing range will tip the balance in his favour at the next round of inductions.