Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Show Must Go On

Posted: July 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

Sir Elton John has revealed he is ‘lucky to be alive’ after he was struck down by a bout of appendicitis, forcing him to cancel upcoming gigs.
The 66-year-old I’m Still Standing legend has cancelled many of his European tour dates, after he was left crippled with stomach pain. Tests soon showed he had suffered a dangerous appendix abscess.
‘I’m lucky to be alive,’ he admitted. ‘I was a ticking time bomb. I guess I could have died at any time.’
‘I feel so lucky and so grateful to be alive. I played nine gigs and the White Tie and Tiara Summer Ball in agony,’ he added .

As you may be aware there is an annual ceremony called the Darwin Awards. This is a celebration of the terminally stupid and is given posthumously to people whose seriously misguided Eureka moment ends in their untimely and completely avoidable death. Examples of past winners are the man who wanted to demonstrate his unbreakable glass window on the 24th floor by running at it and going straight through it and the man who was convinced he could win a fight against a lion and was subsequently consumed by the animal when he put his theory to the test.

Mr John’s effort here is surely worthy of honorary mention at the next ceremony with only the failure at the final hurdle robbing him of a prize.

Generally speaking when someone experiences excruciating pain of unknown origin, that is, not from losing a chunk of thigh to a shark or being dragged headlong into a thresher, their first instinct is not to dust off the lamé suit and belt out a few insipid ballads on the old Joanna. No at the first sign of it they usually hot foot it to the nearest medical professional to get it seen to.

The show must go on…not if yer fuckin’ dead it won’t.

A tribute to Margaret Thatcher

More Quotes

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

There are very few songs that are popular because their lyrics are good.

Paul Simon

Truth be told is the best musicians and the best poets and the best writers aren’t doing it because they want to be millionaires. They’re doing it because they think they’ve got something to say.

Beans On Toast

You write down what you’re feeling. Doesn’t matter if other people get it or not. If they get it, that’s good. If they don’t then fuck ‘em.



Posted: September 28, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Drew Barrymore has lavished praise on Ricky Martin for coming out as gay. ‘My lofty goal in this world is that we can live in a world that doesn’t judge each other, I just want people to be able to live their lives that are true to them,’ said the 35-year-old. I celebrate what Ricky is doing because we have to create a world for each other where acceptance is first and foremost.’

Meanwhile in other news, a 21-month-old baby dies as a result of deliberate and repeated violence by his mother and boyfriend. Goldman Sachs pays £3.6 billion in bonuses for 3 months (£100,000 per person). A man’s appeal over a conviction for the rape of a 2-year-old girl is rejected. A world famous actor pleads mercy for his son, facing 10 years for drug dealing, blaming his problems on a privileged but difficult childhood and the long shadow cast by a family of screen icons. Two sisters die as a result of arson by the rejected ex-boyfriend of one of them. Erin O’Connor offsets her trousers with accessories and Victoria Beckham teams her Cavallis with neutral separates. A father of two undergoes a partial lobotomy and is left permanently brain damaged after being clubbed with wooden stakes by three men who mistook him for a paedophile.

Perhaps a loftier goal would be to live in a world where we are not faced with a growing number of the populace whose only contribution to society is to increase the population. Or a world where the spectrum from haves to have nots does not range between people with little or no access to a resource that is critical to their survival and people who waste that resource through their gold plated taps. Or a world where no matter what urges a person has, when it comes to abusing children there is zero ambiguity about right and wrong. Or a world where people of sound mind with a background of unimaginable wealth and comfort take responsibility for their actions and are not under the assumption that their platinum credit card benefits include immunity from prosecution. Or a world where people are not brought up believing that the solution to ordinary everyday life’s disappointments is extreme violence. Or a world where what Posh Spice is wearing is seen at its true level of importance so that on a significance scale stretching from the earth to the moon it does not reach higher than an ant’s bell-end. Or a world where the conveyor belt at the sociopath factory is not set to full speed all day everyday (including bank holidays) churning out vicious violent headcases just itching to inflict permanent pain and suffering on anyone who might disrespect their psyche by looking at them a bit funny.

Any individual or group that is marginalised or is categorised as occupying the fringes of a normal distribution bell curve, and especially a sexual normal distribution bell curve, deserves sympathy and understanding, because, to increase circulation, they are disproportionately reported on and portrayed as ‘weird’ or ‘deviant’ by the media and then sneered at by ignorant multi-phobic tabloid addicts. However, maybe, just maybe, these or several hundred other societal issues rank higher in world importance than what boils down to the concerns of a multimillionaire actress about the effects on the personal income stream of a multimillionaire pop star resulting from his own revelations about himself.

Promises. Promises.

Posted: August 24, 2010 in Uncategorized


This is no laughing matter Hucknall.

Those words are legally binding.

‘Last Ever’.


The Origin Of Faeces

Posted: August 14, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

American Idol judge Simon Cowell will receive an international Emmy award for having “reshaped 21st century television and music around the world,” the International Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has announced.

In the UK and the US, where Cowell mainly plies his trade, there is a long and proud tradition of musical excellence with a succession of great bands and artists creating original music, voicing their message, pushing boundaries, innovating, inspiring others and sometimes even shaping society. The lines of influence are very marked through modern musical history. It’s Darwinian in nature in that the cream generally rises to the top. The best acts exert the most influence on the next generation who carry the baton of musical excellence, propelling it forwards or diversifying it in new creative directions. Sure, anomalies occur and become fleetingly popular. They may add small amounts of peripheral mutation, but they rarely have any significant influence on core music genetics.

Since Cowell’s strangle hold on the music industry took root, this Darwinian process has all but stopped. Rather than the fittest surviving, the sick and weak are artificially elevated into a position of strength. They appeal to a lazy and unimaginative audience, content to be welded to their sofas and be told what to like. They deceive the talentless into believing that greatness is achievable without exerting any effort.


Cowell devotees may try to defend him by arguing there is a punk ethos in what he is doing in that he is providing the platform and the opportunity for anyone to get up there and give it a go. This, of course, is horse shit for at least a million different reasons. Punk was largely about the music with its motivation stemming from a reaction to what was considered an elitist rotten musical landscape. The Cowell karaoke* scheme is the new rotten musical landscape and the motivation of all participants is the desire to be famous at any price and amassing obscene amounts of personal wealth. The music is but a distant faded afterthought and takes the form of karaoke* with the participant’s sole aim being to show off by torturing a single syllable through five octaves for a few minutes.

Cowell is leading us into an era where every act has the prefix of ‘X-factor winner’ or ‘Britain’s got talent star’. He is interfering with the process of natural selection and his genetic manipulation techniques have led to a situation where rather than having a strong and diverse musical gene pool we now have a turgid homogenised one that lacks the variety and diversity needed to continue evolving.

The devotees of the karaoke* merchants may call this view music snobbery. I’m not saying that any form of music shouldn’t exist. Not everyone is blessed with the necessary creative brain patterns to push the boundaries but they should at least be aware that the boundaries exist, what direction they are in and have the common decency to wander over and say hello.

Giving Cowell an award for reshaping the music world is like giving myxomatosis an award for reshaping the rabbit world.

*    Ka•ra•o•ke [kar-ee-oh-kee]
A form of entertainment in which amateur singers sing along with recorded music using a microphone and public address system. The music is typically a well-known pop song minus the lead vocal.

Soul Train

Posted: August 5, 2010 in Uncategorized

By Big Boot Dance

From If You Can’t Fight Wear A Big Hat


Posted: August 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter, the social networking site which lets users say something in up to 140 characters, has had its 20 billionth message posted.
The landmark and rather opaque tweet was sent at 1544 GMT Saturday by GGGGGGo_Lets_Go, a Tokyo graphic designer for an advertising agency.
It said: “So that means the barrage might come back later all at once.”

Curiously on the same day, at exactly the same time, the World Health Organisation reported the 20 billionth worldwide case of digital diarrhoea.



Fan The Flames

Posted: July 18, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Katy Perry inadvertently dropped a giant molotov cocktail on an enormous bonfire of rumours concerning the does-she-doesn’t-she take semisynthetic psychedelic drugs debate.

In a recent interview before being a guest judge at Dublin’s X Factor auditions, she said she hoped to ‘find someone who’s going to change the world’.

Completely off her tits on the stuff I’d say.