The Origin Of Faeces

Posted: August 14, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

American Idol judge Simon Cowell will receive an international Emmy award for having “reshaped 21st century television and music around the world,” the International Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has announced.

In the UK and the US, where Cowell mainly plies his trade, there is a long and proud tradition of musical excellence with a succession of great bands and artists creating original music, voicing their message, pushing boundaries, innovating, inspiring others and sometimes even shaping society. The lines of influence are very marked through modern musical history. It’s Darwinian in nature in that the cream generally rises to the top. The best acts exert the most influence on the next generation who carry the baton of musical excellence, propelling it forwards or diversifying it in new creative directions. Sure, anomalies occur and become fleetingly popular. They may add small amounts of peripheral mutation, but they rarely have any significant influence on core music genetics.

Since Cowell’s strangle hold on the music industry took root, this Darwinian process has all but stopped. Rather than the fittest surviving, the sick and weak are artificially elevated into a position of strength. They appeal to a lazy and unimaginative audience, content to be welded to their sofas and be told what to like. They deceive the talentless into believing that greatness is achievable without exerting any effort.


Cowell devotees may try to defend him by arguing there is a punk ethos in what he is doing in that he is providing the platform and the opportunity for anyone to get up there and give it a go. This, of course, is horse shit for at least a million different reasons. Punk was largely about the music with its motivation stemming from a reaction to what was considered an elitist rotten musical landscape. The Cowell karaoke* scheme is the new rotten musical landscape and the motivation of all participants is the desire to be famous at any price and amassing obscene amounts of personal wealth. The music is but a distant faded afterthought and takes the form of karaoke* with the participant’s sole aim being to show off by torturing a single syllable through five octaves for a few minutes.

Cowell is leading us into an era where every act has the prefix of ‘X-factor winner’ or ‘Britain’s got talent star’. He is interfering with the process of natural selection and his genetic manipulation techniques have led to a situation where rather than having a strong and diverse musical gene pool we now have a turgid homogenised one that lacks the variety and diversity needed to continue evolving.

The devotees of the karaoke* merchants may call this view music snobbery. I’m not saying that any form of music shouldn’t exist. Not everyone is blessed with the necessary creative brain patterns to push the boundaries but they should at least be aware that the boundaries exist, what direction they are in and have the common decency to wander over and say hello.

Giving Cowell an award for reshaping the music world is like giving myxomatosis an award for reshaping the rabbit world.

*    Ka•ra•o•ke [kar-ee-oh-kee]
A form of entertainment in which amateur singers sing along with recorded music using a microphone and public address system. The music is typically a well-known pop song minus the lead vocal.

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