Archive for May, 2010

In an act which defines the word ‘bewildering’, the day before a general election The Sun newspaper headlines with the views of political microbe Simon Cowell. These are the views of a man who, in December 2009, expressed his idea of politics in TV show format where the public would ‘debate’ key issues (Key Is-sue [kee ish-oo] subject of discussion, exaggerated in importance by disproportionate tabloid media coverage in order to scare the bejeezus out of the masses). Not content with the wholesale dumbing down of the music industry, Cowell would like to apply his infantile paint by numbers ‘entertainment’ formula to the world of politics, the outcome of which would affect the quality of life of every being in this country.

On set would be a red telephone which would allow the Government to explain its position

You couldn’t make this stuff up


He went on: It would be a good way for me to get involved in politics … it would be controversial, the  public would eventually make the decision. He gives an example …or knife crime, I don’t think that the  justice system is working properly at the moment.

Brilliant. So a lot in the way of regurgitation of tabloid scaremongering but not a smidgen of a hint of an attempt at a proposed solution. What about ‘Why oh why can’t we have world peace?’ or ‘I don’t think  people are trying hard enough to find a cure for cancer’. Surely all these pesky problems can be solved by a simple TV show voting system. Or maybe if we all close our eyes and wish really hard everything will be alright. And of course to attract ratings, and more importantly personal revenue, the ‘controversial’ nature of the show would need to be magnified in order to attract waves of opinion from every unhinged extremist nutjob out there.

The majority of our wealth of talented people aren’t being given the chance they need to grow and bloom at the moment. Britain’s got talent, enormous talent, that’s very obvious. I have had the great fortune of being able to see so much of it as I have toured the country for my TV shows over the past few years.

For example, there is Tina and Chandi a dancing dog double act and a woman who can inflate a rubber glove with the aid of a hosepipe and a penguin puppet. Rich talent indeed. If the answer to the countries problems with the economy, knife crime, national security and the environment can be solved by electing a parrot that eats mashed potato then you’re the man. In the mean time back in your box. Stick to what you know best and concentrate on dreaming up more barrel scraping ways of lining your own pockets in the entertainment industry.